


Sabaism

by DannyDevitoWroteHarryPotter



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angstober, Bittersweet, Crying, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Inspired by How I Met Your Mother, Love, Lucas is a sweetheart, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Moving On, Sad Qian Kun, Supportive Ten, im procrastinating let me breathe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26850499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DannyDevitoWroteHarryPotter/pseuds/DannyDevitoWroteHarryPotter
Summary: "It's time right?" he asks softly, gazing up at the night sky. There was no moon but the stars were out, blinking down at him as he sat on the wooden steps."He's so sweet, y'know? And he loves me." A breeze blows past him, and he pulls Ten's jacket closer around him. "So much."Kun lets out a shaky sigh, watching the white puffs of his breaths disappear into the still air."I'm going now," Kun whispers, looking up at the stars. "I'm going to go in there and say yes. I'm going to get married. I'm going to be happy with him for the rest of our lives and lose my hair when I'm 38 like you always said. I'm going to be okay." Kun begins to tremble, but it's not from the cold. "Tell me I'm going to be okay?"As always, silence greets him.________Kun has a conversation with Lucas on a cold October night, while his boyfriend of 3 years waits patiently inside their cabin with a ring that's just his size.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Qian Kun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 27
Kudos: 114





	Sabaism

“I…I need some air.”

Ten’s expression falls, his smile dropping with it. He stares up with the face of a man whose whole world has been shaken, and Kun knows he’s fucked up.

Kun drops to his knees in an instant, down to where Ten is kneeling on one knee and cradles the man’s face in between his palms. He tries not to look at the box in Ten’s hand.

“Hey,” Kun gently whispers, looking into Ten’s glassy eyes. “Oh please don’t cry, love. God, don’t cry.” He tries to pull Ten into an embrace but the man stops him. He slowly places the ring box onto the ground, then gently takes Kun’s hands from his face, holding them between their chests. 

“Is that--” Ten breathes in sharply, “Is that a no?”

“No!” Kun shouts, clutching his boyfriend’s hands. They were shaking. “ _No_ , hun, it’s not a no.”

Ten’s lips press into a thin line, and Kun knows he has to be careful with his next words.

“I just--I just need to _think_ , okay? This is a lot right now and I want some time to process. But it's not a no, Ten. Please, could you just give me some time to think? Alone?"

Ten stares at him, searching, and Kun makes sure to convey every ounce of reassurance he has into his eyes as he holds the man's gaze. Finally, Ten sighs, squeezing Kun's hands and nodding his head.

"Of course, love. I understand, it's a lot. I'll let you think."

"Thank you," Kun breathes out, letting go of Ten's hands and moving them to cradle his face again. Ten doesn't stop him this time when Kun pulls him closer. He places a kiss onto the other's lips, soft and sweet and sad, and Ten kisses him back, leaning his cheek into Kun's right hand. They pull away slowly, gently resting their foreheads together. In the warm orange glow of the fireplace, Ten looks absolutely beautiful, so lovely and sincere even with tears gathering at the corners of his eyes, and Kun is reminded of how much this wonderful man has grown to mean to him over the years.

"Don't you run away, okay?" Ten whispers between them. The slight tremble behind his voice does something awful to Kun's heart.

"Never," Kun assures, wiping the tears from the man's eyes with his thumbs. "Not from you. Never from you."

Kun scoots away from Ten and rises to his feet, Ten doing the same. At their full height Kun stands taller than the other, so he moves into Ten's space and holds his face again, placing a tender kiss onto his lover's forehead. He pulls away and steps back, chest squeezing when he sees the man stop himself from chasing Kun's hands.

"Just a few minutes, okay?" Kun says, and Ten nods, giving Kun a sad smile.

"Take your time."

And Kun leaves the cabin. Grabs his jacket from the coat stand and steps out into the night. Leaves the warmth of the fireplace and the warmth of his lover behind to stand on the cabin porch with the cold instead.

He walks down a couple steps then sits halfway down the staircase, slumping onto the wooden step behind him. He moves to put his jacket on, but realizes that in his haste he had grabbed Ten's instead. He contemplates for a moment going back for his own, but quickly decides against the idea.

He couldn't bear to see Ten's sad eyes again.

He puts the jacket on, the fit sort of tight around his shoulders and chest as he zips it up. Ten had always been the more slim one, afterall.

Kun sighs, wrapping his arms around his legs and staring into the tree line surrounding their cabin. The October air had turned the forest into an enchanting display of orange and red. Just this morning him and Ten had been inside it, hand-in-hand and admiring the rich colors with silly smiles as they walked underneath the tree tops. It was harder to discern such colors this late in the night. 

He digs around in his pant pocket and pulls out a necklace, holding the ring hanging from the chain gently between his fingers.

Kun looks away from the forest, moving his eyes up until he's staring at the inky darkness above it. His voice is small when he speaks.

"Hi. Been a while, hasn't it?"

Kun listens for a bit, takes in the sound of the trees swaying in the wind and the early autumn crickets chirping in the night, then continues.

"I know what you're thinking, and I agree. I'm such an asshole." Kun chuckles, letting his lips lift in a self-deprecating grin. "I have single-handedly ruined this vacation."

The forest nightlife is the only thing that responds.

Kun's smile falls from his face.

"It's time right?" he asks softly, gazing up at the night sky. There was no moon but the stars were out, blinking down at him as he sat on the wooden steps.

"He's so sweet, y'know? And he loves me." A breeze blows past him, and he pulls Ten's jacket closer around him. "So much."

Kun lets out a shaky sigh, watching the white puffs of his breaths disappear into the still air.

"I'm going now," Kun whispers, staring up at the stars. "I'm going to go in there and say yes. I'm going to get married. I'm going to be happy with him for the rest of our lives and lose my hair when I'm 38 like you always said. I'm going to be okay." Kun begins to tremble, but it's not from the cold. "Tell me I'm going to be okay?"

As always, silence greets him.

Kun can feel his eyes sting.

"God, I wish you were here," he croaks out, gripping the ring tightly between his finger tips. "You would know what to do, what to say." Kun rubs his face with his arm, trying to keep the tears from falling.

"I'm not good at this stuff, Xuxi. Never have been. I wish I was. I wish I was brave enough to say what I feel. Instead of hiding, like a fucking coward."

Kun laughs wetly, sounding so broken even to his own ears.

"If I was half the man you were, maybe I would've said yes in there as soon as Ten asked. Maybe I wouldn't have fucked up and made him cry. Maybe--" Kun pauses, swallowing heavily as he continues to stare at the stars. He couldn't see them anymore. Not really. Not through the tears. "Maybe we would've been married long before you left."

He lets the tears fall freely now.

"I picked this ring out a whole year before what happened, y'know? Of course you do. And every day I wanted to ask you, Xuxi. But I got scared. I kept thinking that you wouldn't say yes, and that you'd leave me. Which is stupid, 'cuz you'd never be so mean." 

Kun looks down at the silver ring in his palm, the one he had bought all those years ago.

"And here I am, doing that crap to Ten." Kun looks back up at the night sky, smiling sadly. "You both picked a real winner." 

"I loved you. Still love you. But I also love him," he whispers. He buries his nose into the neck of Ten's jacket, letting the man's scent wash over him. It was so different from Lucas', so very light and sort of sweet, but Kun had grown to love that about him, just as he had grown to love everything else. "I knew what my answer was, even if I didn't say it out loud. And I know you knew it, too. We both did the moment he pulled out that box." 

He pauses.

"I just--I need to know if you'll be okay," Kun asks. "I need to know if you'll be fine when I'm gone. I can't keep holding onto you." Kun wipes at his face again, wanting to stay strong for this part. Lucas always hated it when he cried. 

"So, what do you say?"

The stars continue to blink down at him, and Kun traces his red eyes over every single one, hoping to see an answer. 

"Please, Xuxi," he pleads, "I have to go back soon."

Silence.

Kun stands up, shaking in the autumn air, and moves to head back inside. When he places his foot on the step, however, he stumbles, falling forward. Kun catches himself just in time, his hands gripping the step below him, but his relief is short-lived.

"Shit!"

He dropped the necklace.

Kun panics, peering through the cracks between the steps to see where it had fallen. It was too dark. 

He stands up, making his way down the stairs quickly and rushing to the side of the staircase. He crouches down and looks in, head whipping wildly from side to side until he finally spots a silver glint. He reaches in with his arm, the space too small for him to crawl into, and blindly grasps at the ground where he had seen the glint. Finally he feels something between his fingers and pulls out the necklace, sighing in relief as he sees the ring safely back in his hands. 

He brings it closer to his face, wiping away the dirt that had gathered on it, but pauses. Kun traces his finger over the little script that was carved on the inner band, wiping away the dust.

_our corner of the world_

He remembers writing those words on a form that asked what message he wanted on the ring the day he ordered it. He remembers hearing those words whispered into his ear on a cold night like this one, the man they came from snuggled closely to his side as they lay together on Kun's couch.

( _"You know, Kun Ge," Lucas says, staring up at the living room ceiling with a silly grin on his face, "I think I'm always gonna love you."_

 _"You_ think _?" Kun teases, reaching up to pinch the man's nose. Lucas pouts and moves Kun's fingers away from his face, making the older let out a bright laugh. Lucas then grabs his hands, maneuvering both their bodies until they're staring at each other. Kun pauses in his laughter, surprised at the serious look on his lover's face._

 _"No, I mean, I_ know _I love you, but I think that even if we stopped being together, there'd still be a part of me that still loves you."_

_"Is this your way of breaking up with me?" Kun can't help to say, grinning up at Lucas, but the man only shakes his head._

_"No, it's not. What I'm saying is, is that even if we were no longer together, you'd still have a piece of me."_

_"Wouldn't you want it back? We wouldn't be together anymore, so it'd be annoying to still like me."_

_Lucas shakes his head._

_"No, I wouldn't Kun Ge. I think it's okay to not own your own heart completely, or give it to someone completely. That's an impossible request to ask of your heart." Kun hums, and Lucas continues. "I would still move on and try to find someone, but I wouldn't mind that part of me is dedicated to you. Maybe some people would call that selfish, reserving a part of your heart for someone when you should focus all of it on the someone you do have, but that's just not realistic."_

_Lucas looks into his eyes, smiling when Kun places a kiss on his jaw._

_"I'd still love them, would give them the rest of my heart and more, but this right here, what we have right now? This'll always be our corner of the world."_ )

"You always were better at this stuff than I was," Kun whispers, staring down at the ring in his hands. He glances back at the stars, seeing them still twinkling like before. He smiles up at them.

"I guess I already knew what you wanted, too."

Kun puts the necklace back into his pocket, then walks up the stairs. He wipes his face with his sleeves and rubs the dirt off his hands, not wanting to look a complete mess in front of Ten. He wraps his hand around the door knob, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Kun glances over his shoulder, looking up at the night sky one last time.

"Wish me luck, yeah?"

The stars almost seem to wink at him.

**Author's Note:**

> My greatest fear isn't falling in love, but rather the instance where I no longer have that love. I don't think I'll ever be ready for the moment where something that always brought me such warmth leaves me to fight the cold again. Having someone that makes you say "hey, you give all my uncertainties clarity" is so fucking special, and it'd break me if I could no longer say that to their face anymore. That is what makes me hesitate in love.
> 
> In other words, I am projecting :P Tell me what you thought in the comments <3


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